DISQUS

Mikehermansen · 1 year ago

Very awesome post, I agree I see a lot of people around me that just don't try to please other people and wonder why they're miserable.
it's a very good thing to reflect and think hard about who you are, where you come from, and how you want to be as you move into the future with your friends, family, and complete strangers.

Brit Hammer · 1 year ago

Dearheart,
This is a topic Armand & I talk about from time to time. It boils down to this: All you can do is your best and to just be yourself. It's reeeaally hard not to like someone showing their heart & soul and who always does right by another, like you do. A former boss once told me that she found it hard to hate me because I was always nice to her, no matter what. So just stay authentic, and if people aren't ready for the true you, so be it. I realize it's more difficult when you're in a bigger, public arena. But please remember that there are A LOT of others who adore you BECAUSE you're being you.

If you're into esoteric books, I recommend those by Sanaya Roman. Google her. You can meet those who "don't like you" on the soul plane and work out your differences there. It's worked for me and for my friends who have also tried it. In short, just keep sending love to whoever you're in a struggle with, and issues (big or small) resolve themselves. Really. It works, time and time again. Really! :-)

A big hug,
Brit

struglas · 1 year ago

so, i'm a big wltv geek and my ol'lady starting to come around after much moaning and groaning and blah, blah, blah... now, with that said this is the first time i've checked out a post from gv.com. and damn what a great introduction. i'm in the process of opening a restaurant in austin tx. (which by the way i'm still kicking myself for not meeting up with you during sxsw after getting all the twitter updates about where you were)and i immediately sent a link for this episode to my partner. i'm not looking to be all on your jock so to speak but you're right and in business one must absolutely take this approach. thanks for the insight and bringing this point into light.

side note: dying to try chenin blanc to the point of salavation.

matt warren · 1 year ago

Gary,

I think you're referring to "pleasing everyone" on a relational level (and I totally agree with you that you can try) but I think over the years the business expression "you can't be all things to all people" (specifically from a marketing/positioning standpoint) and the "you can't please everyone" concepts have gotten horribly mixed up.

Matt

Keith · 1 year ago

I think I can hear what you're saying when you're talking about being yourself and trying to be open minded, etc. Having said that, pleasing everyone on the time is not possible. Why? I've got no idea, but if you've got a point of view it's not possible

I honestly believe that being yourself is crucial to your own well being and happiness. It's also what helps you build close and lasting relationships. I believe that you can't be yourself and have everyone like you. Nor should you worry *too much* about that. Make every effort, sure, if that's your personality, which clearly, Gary, is it yours. And that's awesome. I think you're great.

But for many people being themselves means embracing a point of view that others might not agree with. And, you know what? That's fine. We need to learn to live with, get along with and accept people with strong points of view that differ from our own. Which takes an open mind, like you say. You can disagree with someone and still be friends. :)

What I worry people might read into this is that you're implying that you lose your point of view, your "self" to please others. That's not a good thing. You can't be happy that way. And if you've done your best, and stayed true to yourself then you can the adopt the "can't please everyone" attitude.

So, yeah, I'm for trying to please others and all that, as long as you don't lose yourself and your point of view.

To illustrate it another way. I'm a designer. I strongly believe that a strong point of view, a statement if you will, is what makes good design great. When it comes to design, pleasing everyone usually results in lackluster design.

Look at Apple; you wouldn't argue that they know what they're doing when it comes to design. But not everyone likes it. Nor should they. It rubs some people the wrong way. WHICH IS AWESOME. Apple wouldn't be the great design company they are if everyone liked it. Their point of view, their "statement" would be watered down. They wouldn't be true to themselves. They adopt the can't please everyone attitude and I'm mightily glad they did.

If Apple tied to please everyone we'd have no iPod, no iPhone, etc. I firmly believe that. If Gary Vaynerchuk worried *too* much about what *everyone* thought we wouldn't have your killer irreverence and clear passion. I firmly believe that too. Still, it's nice to see you do care about what people think, I admire that.

Melissa A. Dobson · 1 year ago

Love this, Gary! In my heart, I believe that this is the way to do business, not just with the bottom line in mind, but with the greater good in mind, the greater good of others. I truly believe that if you give of yourself in the business world as well as in life, you will make lifelong connections with people, and that is more rewarding and exciting than a quick sale ever could be.

I recommend Michael Port's books, "Book Yourself Solid" and "Beyond Booked Solid." His books are based on just this premise and you can feel his genuine desire to help service professionals grow their client bases and their businesses when you read them. I find you and he to be two of my greatest inspirations as I set out to grow my business and I'm truly grateful that I found you both as sources of inspiration.

Canadian Chris · 1 year ago

First - I recognize that I probably have a different perspective and might not be the audience you're pitching to here GV.

I also recognize this is likely a straw man (or at least I hope it is).

So, to my 2c - cdn that is, so I think that's about 2 and a half cents USD now ;) - you can't please everyone. Why not? It's a miracle we all manage to communicate let alone actually keep from mangling each other. My personal belief is the best you can do is work to be congruent as possible, that is to say true to yourself as possible, so that when people do disagree or aren't pleased by what you do, you are sure that you have represented who you are 100%, so that any misinterpretation is coming from someone else's preconceived notions. Should you work to ensure you correct any gross inaccuracies? ie. Someone comments on your website that you take money for reviews. Absolutely. Get in there and say oh hell no. But the nuanced stuff is a result of peoples core belief structures and preconceived notions. Those are built out of a lifetime of experiences and often reach to the very core of who a person is. Taking responsibility for those (which is what you are doing when you say, Joe42 reacted negatively to that, let me go fix him) is not the answer. Be true to yourself, put the message out you want to consistently, honestly, with integrity and sincerity, and leave people to deal with their own shit unless your real goal is to become a life coach and/or psychotherapist.

Tranquility Jones · 1 year ago

#1: Be yourself. Be genuine. If you start there, the 'pleasing' part takes care of itself. Pleasing is never really the result of 'trying to please' it's the byproduct of being genuine and making genuine connections with people.

We're inundated with phrases designed to convince people to 'quit' in life... "you can't please everyone... you can't fight city hall..." and so on... because it's WAYYYYY easier to accept defeat than grit it out and persevere... and the more people you get to accept your 'laziness', the better you feel about not getting there. Basic human nature. Most people aren't up to the effort, and having a readily available catch phrase that makes it all seem okay at least buys you sympathy. The down side though to trying to please everyone, especially those that buy into the 'give-it-up catch phrase syndrome' is that the negativity can quickly drain YOUR good energy.

So it's not that you need to try to please everyone... you just need to do your positive thing... and through that... you hopefully maximize your ability to please.

Anthony Aldorasi · 1 year ago

"Why not try to please everyone"

Ah what a great question to ponder on, my truth is you can't. No matter what it is relationship wise, business wise, even some times your self.

People always will have an opinion on your self, and same to you upon others. For instance I go to a community college and people out side of that realm tend to look down on me because of that. How can you possibly please every one when people make up their own opinions?

Business wise you cant either, have you ever walked into a store and just completely hated it? I have, I personally hate aeropostale I dislike the clothes and usually the way the employees treat people. But that I my opinion on a business.

And when It comes to your self, have you ever had to do somthing you totally didn't want to do but you had to? How can you please your self when it comes to that?

But it is a nice thing to think about and maybe one day we can.

Joe Budde Jr · 1 year ago

A friend of mine sent me a Jack Welch article the other day. Some quotes from it:

"Too many organizations Manage to surreptitiously nudge people toward a generic type who keeps it all pretty well tucked in."

"Meanwhile, if you put your whole self out there, bosses can complain that you act too emotional or get too close to teammates or become too worked up in meetings."

"In time…Your bosses will know who you are in your soul, and what kind of people you attract, and what kind of performance you want from everyone. Your realness will make you accessible; you will connect and you will inspire. You will lead."

Your video showed me that you truly strive to be like this with not only your coworkers, which shows your success in business, but with your constituents, aka those who you seek out who speak about you in a way that doesn't align with who you truly see your self to be.

Your actions show a man of authenticity. A man of action, and a man who strives to show your full self to everyone. Then you allow them to make their own conclusions, but you only allow them to be informed conclusions.

Thanks for being authentic. Its contagious. Its what social media is about, its what that "profile" should attempt to show...

You being you.

The hard part is being honest about who you are...

Withnail · 1 year ago

These are always enjoyable and thought-provoking - keep 'em coming. I especially like stumbling across them on a weekend when there is (usually) no new WLTV content.
Perhaps book #2 will be about this business/life/personal stuff instead of wine?

Fangorn81 · 1 year ago

Awesome.

Again.

Just like always.

Cheers.

AKDocmike · 1 year ago

GV...that's not just only good business practice, but good practice in life. You CAN please everyone, if you are connected. You're showing us the way and I thank you for that. Keep on putting out great content. Sweet!!

Don Reynolds · 1 year ago

We are in essence a product and any product can be sold with the right marketing. You just have to be willing to be diversified in your salesmanship. Right on Gary.

ChrisH · 1 year ago

Gary - As always your outlook on life / business and family is a great example for everyone to follow. I think this is a HUGE downfall of a lot and companies - large and small. If people would try more to put their hearts into what they do and really make it about who they are trying to reach out to, they would have far more success. We really do have a personal brand to live up to now. Web 2.0 has changed everything... and in my opinion for the better. Thanks for sharing :)

Mike1115 · 1 year ago

On a personal level, I think you’re much better off just being yourself and not giving a darn what anyone else thinks. You can certainly ask someone why they don’t like you, usually it’s because they don’t really know you or misinterpreted something you did. I always say don’t hate a person until you get to know then, because then you’ll have real reasons to hate :)

On a business level, if you try to please everyone you end up creating mediocrity. And Gary, please don’t ever become mediocre.

Bobby B · 1 year ago

You need to be a camellian to please everyone, and lets face it, thats not how we do in the vayner nation. I think the real thing to work on is be yourself, and bring as many like people in as you can, educate the rest, and make sure everyone knows what you have to offer. Pleasing everyone is like having a veggitarian menu at a steak house, or a diet menu at a BBQ joint. It isn't true to the nature of what you are trying to put together. The idea is to spread the YOU as much as you can.
Since when was the NJ about pleasing everyone?! We are the "if you don't like it get the hell out" state. You spent too much time on the West Coast last week, G.

bundydb · 1 year ago

Having to do some catching up. I think you nailed this one GV. I've thought that many times before. People just don't try anymore. It's sad but true. I work in an ER and it's insane that people will turn us into administration because we take an emergent Chest Pain patient back before the person with an ingrown toe nail. And that's not an exaggeration... That pretty much happens on a daily basis in ER's/hospitals all over the US. More and more people think the world only revovles around them and could care less about someone who is in dire need of assistance. And that extends to the elderly couple with a flat on the side of the highway to the tragedies around the world. It doesn't effect us directly so why should we care? Most seem too busy to stop and help someone pick up even a dropped book now days. And common courtesy is out the window too. I was raised that I stand up if a seat is open and a woman doesn't have one yet. IT'S HERS' PEOPLE!!! Do your parents proud! I see men do that all the time and it gets to me everytime. So I usually just have to yell over the crowd that unless you have a physical disability, get out of your chair men and give it to a lady. It's just the little things like that...

Guess I'm old fashioned like that, lol.

Sorry I got off on a little rant that was kind of off subject : )

Hope everyone that takes the time to read this has a great day!

Brit Hammer · 1 year ago

One more thought to add to all the other great posts - Mother Theresa, with all the good that she did, also had critics (see Wikipedia)...and she certainly wasn't out to "please" everyone, just do right by everyone. And isn't that what you're doing?

As an artist, I don't worry if my work resonates with everyone because if I did, it wouldn't look like who I truly am inside - art comes from the soul. So here's a favorite quote of mine:

"Pay no attention to what the critics say; no statue has ever been erected to a critic."
- Jean Sibelius

So just be yourself and the rest will work itself out. Everyone else has already said it... Be original, not a crowd pleaser. We love you for YOU.

xxoo
B

Blantonious · 1 year ago

Absolutely right. You are your own brand. Gary, I think people should change the phrase "Can't please everyone" to "please as many as you can!" Then people can stop focusing on their inabilities and start focusing on their abilities. Of course this doesn't stop here. It goes for everything in life.

My personal slogan is "Turning my weaknesses into my strengths"

ChrisClark · 1 year ago

I think @mattwarren has it right-on when he says, "I think over the years the business expression 'you can't be all things to all people' (specifically from a marketing/positioning standpoint) and the 'you can’t please everyone' concepts have gotten horribly mixed up."

I think the point Gary's getting across in all of these videos is that first point: you can't be all things to all people. You've got to know what your personal DNA is and be true to that. But you can try to please everyone, and I think you can please everyone, to one extent or another, if you are an honest human being and you treat everyone else that you encounter as a human being. Listen: as a die-hard, hard-core NE Pats fan, I never thought I could watch Gary with his Jets pail every day without getting very angry. But, y'know what? I respect the dude because he is a good human being and because there doesn't appear to be anything fake about him.

That make sense? I'm not sure if it does, but I gotta run for now.

Lynn F · 1 year ago

Stephen Covey pointed out that people needed to be looking for the win-win scenarios. Not that we can be everything to everyone, but that we all need to understand what it is we truly need, and not just want. So many times people become unhappy with us because they don't look beyond themselves. They are only looking out for what they want, and not what puts us in that win-win environment.

I think it's great that you approach people that are unhappy with you. What's the success rate in changing attitudes? Are the causes misunderstanding, or just not liking things you do?

I guess I'm like others, and don't really seek out those that have decided something is wrong with me or the way I do things. I always feel like if you want me to change on something, then tell me, after all we can be adult about things. It doesn't mean I don't try in every relationship to do the right things. And even in doing the right thing sometimes people won't like it. If I have to choose between pleasing someone and having their respect, I would much rather have a persons respect for being principled and doing the right thing.

Pete Moring · 1 year ago

Hi Gary,
I think too many people dismiss the fact that our cosmos is built on TWO energies. Positive and negative.
Nothing would appear or happen without the two opposing poles causing friction.
(Ask any physicist).
You give out positive vibes. It's what you're about. You can't help it, as with most of the people who show their appreciation towards you. (And there ARE many).

Sadly, the opposite is true. Those who give out negative vibes also can't help it, and they see YOU as a threat. A problem to be dealt with at all costs.

Being high profile is something you've chosen to do, and good for you too. BUT! You are going to be taking more pot-shots than the rest of us who play life a whole lot safer.

The world needs people like you, so good luck, and I wish you well.
(Even though I have a condition that means I can't drink wine)

Pete.

Tyler Heibeck · 1 year ago

I agree with most of what you have to say, very well said. There are times though, especially with personal matters, where you just can't be it all for everybody. Some people just can't be reasoned with no matter how hard you try. Some personalities just don't mix. I have personal experience with this. That said, these cases are the minority (at least they have been for me) and it is genuinely worth the effort to reach out to people and show them what you are about and how you can be a part of their lives.

Sasha Fornari · 1 year ago

totally true. like many other commenters have said that has been a statement that most people just shrug their shoulders too, instead of thinking about it.

thanks!

Paul Montwill | SwitchStories. · 1 year ago

Gary! Would you be able to write a quick guide for internet video beginners? What camera to pick (something cheap for first trials), what software and finally where to host it? You have got a vast experience and I can't imagine asking somebody else.

Thanks!

mlewis106 · 1 year ago

I think it's always been a fundamental goal of mine to try to please everyone. In my experience though, because I'm not the most charismatic person out there, I've had to go about doing that through some pretty extraordinary means.

I've had to make things right. If someone had odds with me, I always made it a point to address that aggressively. Sometimes that person needed an apology, sometimes I've had to clear up a miscommunication.

I think there is a point where you do everything you can, try as hard as you can, bleed and sweat to correct a bad situation, but ultimately that person is going to choose or not like me.

The people that do bleed and sweat for their customers, like you will have a very few, if any, haters out there.

Good advice, thanks!

Zune · 1 year ago

you can please everyone, some just don't know that their beeing pleased...

Share with the ones who want, and the ones who dont.. (... Like it or not)

Not a lot of words, but it makes sense thou, if you give it some time to settle !

Best regards


Zune !!!

espressokev · 1 year ago

that's why i've REALLY cut down on my profiles online. i don't WANNA be in the game.

Ted Vaughn · 1 year ago

Provocative idea - and I totally agree w/ the personal brand comment; and it is a game at the end of the day. That said - It is a fools game if you engage with this game under the impression that you can/should/might be able to please everyone. There is something to be said for effort - for reality checks - for building bridges rather than burning them, but occasionally you reach a point w/ another person where it becomes INSANE to keep trying to "please" them.

kenny · 1 year ago

Some are not receptive, they only look in a mirror. Feel secure in your efforts. Those that care will respond in kind. Those that do not, Lose.

Liz Argall · 1 year ago

It's amazing what a difference being open to criticism can be and what having an open conversation can do. It is such an important and undervalued skill, as is the ability to give criticism articulately. People can be very shy about giving criticism, especially when it is to people in power... not politicians, but folks like doctors, folks that exercise direct power and influence over us. And they suffer for it.

I will never forget writing a lengthy letter to a medical specialist who I felt humiliated by... it took me a year to get to that point and to express myself articulately without anger. It was so scary, made me feel so vulnerable. And the doctor rang me the evening it arrived in his office. He'd read it in the morning, thought about his communication style and been really conscious of it throughout the day before ringing me and we were able to have a constructive conversation about what went wrong and how it had gone wrong for other people I knew as well.

As you can imagine my opinion of that doctor improved substantially and a wound that I had been carrying was washed away. If he'd said well I can't get it right all the time (and we are all human) I would have had a very different opinion.

It's so important to have the conversations and find out what went wrong for people. Even if you can't fix it being open to the conversation can make a profound difference. Genuinely trying to understand and acknowledge can go a long way to healing breaches, improving practices and pleasing a lot more people.

It's important for any organisation and any human being.

Joe · 1 year ago

You really can't please everyone. I've tried endlessly to help a friend of mine who doesn't want help, yet she continues to push my buttons. I'm as patient and accomodating as possible. Got her a job, listened to her endless B.S. I've opened up more to this person than I have for anyone and it has gotten no where.

Why not try? Because unless you're extorting millions out of them, like in a business, there really is nothing but aggravation.

Clintus · 1 year ago

and you do a great job at it my friend.

Lou Paglia · 1 year ago

Great video post Gary Vee. Completely agree that at some point many have lost the will or desire to try to please. Certain businesses have it in their brand and their DNA but many others you can see do it simply because it increases the rating on Get Satisfaction surveys. I'm sure this extends to the individual as well.

Always strike a balance between pleasing others and being yourself. But the effort is critical, that is for certain.

recklessstudio · 1 year ago

You know, it is very important to try to please everyone for the most part. There are certain exceptions I suppose when it comes to product and targeting certain buyers or audiences (because sometimes, it's done on purpose), but in an ethical/moral aspect, I feel like it should be an obligation. You, as a person should try to make everyone like you. Stop being lazy by saying, "you can't please everyone." Because, although, you may be right, a lot of time, it is in your control to determine that. It's been something I've been working on since I graduated from school.

Bloggeries · 1 year ago

Instead of just saying "solid advice" as per usual as it is. I'd also add that when you meet some people "trolls, cynics etc" after you try and mend if it doesn't work you have to accept it as that's "them". They get off on not liking people; nothing you can do about that. Gotta go on and brush yo shoulders off!

Webconomist · 1 year ago

Great commentary Gary...

Ringo Starr yesterday said as of October 20th he will no longer answer any fan mail; he's just too tired to do it.

...you can't please everyone simply because of sheer numbers. There's a point where it just becomes too hard. Math 101. But to approach service as if you can; excellent!

Luke Irvin · 1 year ago

I completely understand. I am a college student and my part time job to pay the bills is as a server. Being a server is all about pleasing people. In a job like this you will see that there are regulars who come to eat at whatever restaurant you work at daily. Sometimes they come for just the food, but most of the time they come because of the service. Because they get to know the servers and build a friendship and a relationship with them. I know that you can't connect to everyone, but why not try. I do this daily. I want to get out there and help people become more socially involved.

Great points Gary.

Luke

jasonhawksworth · 1 month ago

Why not? Perfect question, there is no good reason to not try! All the time! Thanks

brandbull · 1 month ago

Hey Gary! Your Video sounds interesting and I guess the lack of know how to do that is something that drives most people form doing it! Could you elaborate!
Thanks :)

weswyatt · 1 month ago

I love your attitude Gary! Have a DYNAMITE day!

Jared_F · 1 month ago

I have received lots of negative press in different forums related to my marketing niche. However, I have found NOT responding doesn't add any fuel to the fire. If I respond, people get the mob mentality and just start bashing.

Don't get me wrong, I get 100 times more positive press then negative...But the negative comes with it. I am sure you know what I mean Gary.

Now, I just leave it and don't respond at all. Then the threads slowly die out and don't grow at all. Thanks for the videos Gary, you rock!

- Jared